While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I will pee on everything he values.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
