I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
