He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
