I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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