Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
