Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
