I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Randomize
