Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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