weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
how does that bad decision feel?
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