my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
