doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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