we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Come on in and take your pants off
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