A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
