I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize