he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
