you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
