but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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