Non-Jews are for practice
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
