If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
