Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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