Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
