I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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