What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize