Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
