I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
