I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
