The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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