Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
