he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
