med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
