Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize