He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
