just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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