guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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