Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
