chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
