I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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