Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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