I hate your face
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
