if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
