Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
