Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Randomize