I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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