this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
