just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
