did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
