I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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