Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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