i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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