she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We got so high we made milksteak
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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