$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize