My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
