ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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