Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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