You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I need moral support for this bender
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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