Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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