it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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