marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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