hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You left your underwear on the fireplace
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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