I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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