Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
