2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
