The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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