life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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