The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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