Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
