just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
