I can text with my tongue
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize