Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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