im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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