So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
