I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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