You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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