She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i believe in u and ur pee
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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