I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
