pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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