then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I supernannyed him into submission
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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