Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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