I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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