Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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