Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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