They should really pass out barf bags in church
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize