Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
