I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize