it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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