I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i drank out of a bidet.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
