I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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