A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just cropdusted the office
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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