I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
